August 21st 2009 (part i)

We woke up with the sun, it was easy to go to bed and wake up early the first week of our trip. I think I finally became used to the time change a few days before our return trip, just enough time to make my first few days back in SLO that much more slumberful. Before our days plans with Min we headed off in the direction we were, fairly, certain the beach was. Only a few blocks away the aqua blue water looked marvelous in the mornings first rays. A long white sand beach stretched out for miles. The water looked clear and drinkable as it splashed almost waveless against the shore. I had to go in. It felt colder than imagined, I pictured bath water from what Kelly had told me, a scalding temptress that could never cool you enough to stop the sweat. It was warm, just no jacuzzi. The water felt unreal. Kelly was right, not a wave in site. I had laughed when she said I might not get the chance to try surfing in Thailand. Thai women watched their toddlers play in the shallow water with little to no hesitation. I almost thought them bad parents for allowing their young ones to play so unhindered in the dangerous ocean. Naked and full of laughters the small tan hooligans frolicked with no fear of the water. What the hell were their parents looking for in the sand? constantly digging for sea shells or hidden gold, if their actions were economically or boredom triggered I don't know; but I can still feel the wonderment at their plain indifference to their two-year-olds water safety. Worry-wort Winston from America. Sometimes you can't help it. We didn't have much time to linger at the beach, consuming as it was, we had a big day planned. After a quick, and still rather plain, breakfast we headed back to the hotel and waited for Min's arrival. It certainly was an eclectic crew we drove with that day. Min, and her niece, along with young girls maid and babysitter, Kelly and I. This filled up the cab of Min's truck more than comfortably. So in the bed of the truck went this couple who were friends of Min's. A neurotic man who spoke too quick for language from new York, and his Thai wife and small baby. The relationship between the two still fascinates Kelly and I. How you could fall in love with someone, and even have a child with them, yet not be able to say more than 30 words to each other? So the father, his soon to be wife, and infant son sat in the bed of the truck while Kelly and I sat in the A/C cab, seat belts and all. I quickly came to learn that safety standards in Thailand are a bit different from what I was used to in California. It wasn't rare to see a husband,wife, and child combo scrambled onto a moped, the back of a truck was no oddity whatsoever. Our destination was called "The Million Years Stone Park & Pattaya Crocodile Farm". Another thing I quickly came to learn, don't give broken english on signs a second glance, you'll end up seeing something worth a picture eventually. I never really figured out what the 'million years stone' was all about, giant rocks was about the farthest thing on my mind when I heard we may see some crocodiles. There were a lot of petrified tree stumps littered throughout the park, their ages varied between pre-christ to semi-prehistoric. But like i said, I just wanted to see some crocodiles. My first impression of the park wasn't exactly pure excitement either. It didn't have a grand entry-way like the Wild Animal Park or a massively dominate parking lot like the San Diego Zoo. A father-time security guard watched over the 40-or-so cars in the small parking lot. The actual park seemed empty, I think we, in one truck load, doubled their attendance for the day. The first stop on our tour of the park was to feed giant catfish. First impressions stuck with me, these 'giant' catfish seemed no larger than usual, a bunch of coy in a mad frenzy every time you threw a handful of the stinky food. It always left your hands smelling like shit all day long. For a few minutes a stood there holding back sassy comments as my disappointment precluded any fun I could have been having. It was weird when I finally saw one, I thought it would be the only one I'd see all day. Giant indeed, these things were more whale than fish. The 2ft coy would suddenly burst out of the way on the surface of the water and in that particular spot a 4ft, at least, giant catfish would surge to the surface and scoop up everything in its path. Their mouths looked as big those nets you use to skim out a swimming pool. The first few we saw brought bursts from our crowd that is akin to a group of girls on a whale watching tour. "oohhh" and "ahh" at every sight of the giant monsters. Randomly, as if they could all communicate, the coy would disappear and forty to fifty of the largest fish I've ever seen would all erupt onto the surface, clearing it of every speck of debris possible. More than anything I couldn't help but think of swimming in Thailand. I had planned on jumping into some rivers, definitely snorkeling in the near future. Were creatures like these waiting for me as I dove into unknown waters? If a group of fish this massive suddenly swam up all around me I think I'd be buying a new bathing suit memento. It's funny, thinking back to that morning I could have stayed in that spot all day. The day wasn't too particularly hot or sticky, and the sight of these giant fish definitely had me glued to the surface of the water only a few feet below the wooden, janky, platform that held us barely above the water. I'm glad Min dragged us away, the park was 3 places in one. Botanical garden, zoo, and amusement park. The strange birds and Asiatic bears the had in cages were fascinating. One giant bird, with a beak like a samurai sword, had a particularly nasty disposition, and loved to look straight into the eyes of the little baby. I could tell if there encounter weren't protected by some thin metal wire, that small infant would be the preferred next meal of the grossly pterodactyl that starred at us all with in-humane eyes. So far nothing seemed too special. We took enough photos to start annoying the carp out of me. The fish were cool, and it was pretty odd how close you could get to all the animals. No guardrails or safety nets, not even any staff to yell at those daring enough to stick their fingers in the cages. I could tell an idiot could loose a couple fingers no problem. Our next exhibit was something I'd simply never seen in any of my previous travels. I took a trip for a few weeks to Florida once with my grandpa. I remembered being shocked that we could walk over metal planking that held crocodile infested waters. We were probably 10 feet up, with a thick mesh covering metal wires to protect any guest from ever trying to stick an appendage or stick into the waiting jaws of one the reptiles. I can't reiterate enough. We weren't in Kansas anymore. We had stopped on metal planking perhaps 4, maximum of 5 feet above the water. There were no safety nets, no trappings and danger signs. Right below our feet in Kool-aid green water were hundreds, literally hundreds, of crocodiles. Not so much moving or thrashing about, just bobbing enough out of the water to get a good sense of how frightfully massive the dinosaurs were. Nostrils and a pair of giant eyes were all you could see of some of them. They looked jagged and angry, hungry for flesh to say the least. The woman behind a small cardboard counter handed me my 'pole' after I'd paid the $1.50. It was a bamboo stick about 4 feet long, with a long hairy and frayed rope attached to one end. At the end of that rope was a skinned and delicate dead chicken, not frozen. You could feel and smell that these birds were definitely fresh. I think I had even ohh'd and aww'd at some of its cousins scrambling freely throughout the parking lot. I don't know if I'm a wuss or perhaps just a bit hesitant at times. But the lack of direction got to me at first. What the hell was I supposed to do. I could guess. Was this safe though? You eventual had to take an F-it attitude to a lot of the experiences in Thailand. Learn by doing type of thing. Dive right in. I hung the chicken about 3 feet above the water. The giant started to move, but there wasn't a feeding frenzy like I expected. I didn't really know what to expect, I'd never seen or heard of crocodile fishing. There disinterest in the chickens at first led me to believe that the beasts were constantly fed. believe it or not, I came to figure out that the cold-blooded killers were just lazy, they never really went for the chickens unless you dangled the dead carcass inches from the water. Damn things ended up wanting a free meal. Needless to say, we made them work a little bit for it. I don't need to describe to you the massive size or shape, pretty standard for crocodiles. The color surprised me, they ranged from a dirty Gatorade yellow to slimy pond green. The ridges and bumps covering their bodies gave them a drastically reptilian complexion. It was so eerie how they moved without moving. Their formless bodies seemed to float closer to the chicken with each lowering of the rope. You couldn't tell when they were about to strike. It wasn't like a frog or a grasshopper sharpening the angle of its legs. It didn't look earnestly at its prey like a soon-to-pounce cat watching a mouse. With no remorse or warning sign, the gargantuan jaws would simply burst from the water. The sound is something that shall never leave me. A popping thud that gave the distinct feeling of perfectly fit jaws. Like a clap when your two hands come together perfectly cupped. The noise came more from the air being moved so quickly, the jaws forcing hot breath out at the last instant with such fury it made your heart skip a beat. I felt guilty teasing them, like karma wouldn't appreciate me teasing a predator that could so easily take my life. They humbled you with the sound of those jaws closing. It made the baby cry...shit, I felt like crying a little. That nervous laughter we all need to do sometimes instinctively came out. I felt like my mind and heart were torn into battle. Is this exciting and fun? Or do I need to be changing my droors? Was this the kind of life a crocodile would want? Should I feel bad by them being captive? I was depressed to see such a prehistoric monstrosity held in such tight quarters? Did they mind? I'd only seen a few crocodiles in the past, they always seemed to be lone, solitary, carnivores. Here I was, teasing something that hasn't seemed to evolved in 60 million years. There had to be a hundred floating all about, making no noise except the terrifying thungk of their jaws clapping shut. My frail human arms would be screaming if I fell into that water. I shudder to think what type of experience it would be. To be face to face with something that primordial, something so pure and raw, a creature designed perfectly for slaughter. 'Planet Earth' does a great job of showing you what they look like. Nothing short of standing feet away from their death roll can describe the pinch in your gut from that sound. Like a bullet into soft wood their teeth lined up in razor sharp procession. I was sure this was the thrill of my lifetime, hands down the coolest thing I'd do in Thailand. Hindsight is so good at letting one giggle at their own naivete. This was the closest I could ever imagine being to something so deadly. Imagination sometimes fails to instill in one a very good sense of premonition. With this deadly game of cat and mouse as our precursor, we moved on to the next exhibit. It was time to go see a Crocodile show.

August 20st 2009

Last night we landed in Bangkok. The air was hot, not as humid as I had imagined, but it felt like a warm Paso day. A dry heat that hit you like a wall climbing off the over-air-conditioned plane. Climbing into the taxi waiting to drive to Pattaya, I could feel that the transition from cool California days to hot Thai air might take a while. I was told jet lag is a lot worse if you think about the time where you came from, you had to think about where you were. 2 am in Thailand is about noon back in California, nap time after 2o+ hours of traveling was no problem at all. Waking up at the Peace Resort, I couldn't help but feel excited to get outside and experience...anything. The night and early morning had produced a rain and lightning show that impressed me even in the deepest slumber. You can always spot tourists by the way that look in every direction. The awe I had with every sight, Kelly didn't seem as phased, I just loved to see and compare. The Thai Spirit houses fascinated me, all houses and most businesses had two right next to one another. Small decorated wooden houses that looked like a doll-house or giant bird feeder. A taller one as a tribute to the Sky god and a shorter smaller one as a tribute to the Earth God. I read that this is a tradition borrowed from Hinduism in ancient times and is today found mainly in Thai culture. They gave them food, burned incense, gave drinks, and even little figurines. All the drinks had straws, offerings for the gods to please themselves. Everyone who lived in Thailand seemed to love straws, they always gave you a sickening glance if they saw you drinking straight from a water bottle or soda. As a result, their Gods would, naturally, use them strictly as well.95% of Thai people are Buddhist, umm, I read Siddhartha in high school... We were definitely in a different place. An unknown culture that we had to tread very careful in. I tried to remember to stay mindful. Buddhists believe the head is the highest, spiritual, part of your body and you're never to touch anyone on the head. We weren't supposed to ever point our feet at anyone either, this was considered a great disrespect. Just had to be a little more careful, I guess you can eventually end up offending anyone with the right unknown behavior. I'll admit, the first breakfast I had was pretty timid, nothing compared to some of the stranger meals I had throughout my three weeks among the Thai cooking. Kelly and I were wholly convinced our first activity would be to get a massage. Thai massage is heaven, pulling all your joints this way and that and working out kinks with elbows and knuckles. Two-hours on the table is about as good as it gets after so many damn hours on half a dozen different types uncomfortable of chairs. Planes, cars, airports... It didn't take long to get into that nice, vacation, feeling. Min, our host, took us all around Pattaya. We'd met because she'd married the uncle of one of Kelly's grad student class-mates. As stretched a socialtree as it seemed, I turned out to appreciate her gratitude more than words can express. We were in a beautiful beach town about two hours South of Bangkok along the Gulf of Thailand. Pattaya in known as the Las Vegas of Thailand. It took me a few days to figure out why. Aside from obvious language differences, the town didn't seem too different from any other city. Although, I must admit I don't think I've ever seen so many 711s'. Everywhere! If I ever get any money, remind me to invest in a Thai convinience mart. If it isn't 711 it's a 'family mart', on, almost literally, every block. I never realized the love appeal. My entire trip, I still can't figure it out. Nothing out of the ordinary, not a super-cheap miniature grocery store, just a plain 711. At least on every two blocks. She showed us most of the main streets on the city and the 711s stuck out the most, that and stray dogs running all about the streets. I couldn't stop looking out the car window, like a kid on a field trip. Every sight and sound fascinated me because I wanted to validate if it reminded me of something I knew from home. The first day wasn't easy, Jet lag got to Kelly and I both. Guess our behavior wasn't too out of the ordinary. Not the first time Kelly and I have been too tired to stay out past 9pm. The one thing of note was the 'all-you-can-eat' sushi. Kelly had warned me that you can't order comfort food like it's from home because it wouldn't taste remotely like something you once knew it. Sushi came around on plates carried by a circular conveyor belt. Nothing to unfamiliar. The sushi, however, was more raw cuts of random meat, rather than the petite rolled rice creations I'd known from home. We were each sat at a long connected bar in front of a boiling hole of soup. Waiting for a fresh and safe piece of meat to ramble by was hopeless, we just dove in and threw guess-work meat into our individlual witches pots. I know I had some shrimp, some squid maybe; chicken, a little beef, some type of white lard-like meat that had a texture only a gagging throat can describe. All in all I rather enjoyed myself, I couldn't tell you the names of half of what I ate, but it didn't upset my well-known-baby tummy much. Bedtime came quickly and Neededly, Min had our next day planned, I think I had the energy. I hoped I had some energy. For the time being, the bed felt extra firm and just to my liking.

September 10th 2009 'One Night in Bangkok...'

Our last night in Thailand feels more than surreal. Feels dreamlike, as if I constantly get the sense of deja vu. Our entire trip has been surreal. I've always held on to one of those corny Latin saying's from high school, the kind that stays with your memory no matter how hard life tries to erase it. :"post coitum omne animal tristis est". It speaks of the all too common experience all human encounter at almost every turning of the day. After an intense and eagerly anticipated moment, we often feel that we have missed something greater that remains just beyond our grasp. It just comes naturally from anticipation. Try as you might, getting an pre-image into your head of events to come leaves you breathless when it is all said and done. What could we possibly do in Bangkok tonight? I've fished for crocodiles with dead chickens, even sat on one. Pet tigers only inches from my face, protected only by a thin metal chain. Been picked up by elephants and ridden through the densest jungles on one of the behemoth's backs. I've been blessed by a Buddhist monk at a Wat that Siddhartha's very bones are said to be burried, the holiest of holy shrines for Buddhist world wide. I've watched monkeys swim, play basketball, ride bicycles, and sell me magical ointment... I even gazed into the eyes of one of their babies as it did back flips off my hand for food. I've strolled through jungles filled with bananas, Hibiscus,orchids, plumeria, Lotus, Heliconia, and Ixora. I've chased 1m long geckos from my Bungalow. Swam with sharks and Puffer fish. I've escaped death flying through the air ejected from the seat of my motorcycle. I've been to strip clubs where women washed each others feet in some bizarre sexual ritual that escapes my grasps. I've eaten squid, bugs, and fish meat straight from the bone..whole at times even. I've trekked through jungles that most foreigners never set foot on. I've danced around coral islands in crystal blue waters. Taken photos in front of trees older than Christ. Taken a bamboo ride down a swollen and much too dangerous river. Spoken with hill-tribe members that grow only enough food to live off. Seen waterfalls that overflowed with some mysterious and all too gracious effect. Caught spiders larger than my hands. Eaten mushrooms on a beach that belongs in some Leonarod Dicaprio movie set. Kayaked under massive sea cliffs that turned instantly from clear water, to exposed limestone, to lush jungle. I've watched strange and foreign birds glide majestically through the air. Played the drums with a Thai band. Sang at the top of my lungs with the Irish. Stayed in a hotel fit for a king. And experienced it all with a woman I'm certain I want to live the rest of my life with. As Bradley says 'what may be and must be, is.' this trip has been more than expectation could ever take for granted. What's left to do...the darkest sin that hell ever made. I suppose even the devil will be saved at last, so I take Occums razor by the blade and head for a ping-pong show, the one thing Bangkok has left to offer, and the last thing we'll see in Thailand...

September 8th 2009 'fish in the water'

Like most experiences thus far on our trip, it wasn't what I expected it to be. You get this idea in your head, these visual flashes picked up over a lifetime of second hand experiences. Watching television, movies, or seeing pictures creates a jaded image of reality, a smorgasbord of colliding pictures that forms a twisted and grotesque version of the truth. I had always imagined them a lot slower, bulbing masses of gruesome fat thrashing about in the ocean. I had pictured a slow moving fin erupting out of the water and an ever present Steven Spielberg soundtrack drilling on in the background. Duh-duh, slowly at first, booming and threatening. duh-duh, with more sound and intensity the music would gather rhythm as the rear fin slowly started to push itself out from the water. I imagined myself floating in the salty sea and watching the prehistoric beast off in the distance devouring some helpless and unknowing fish. Duh-duh,duh-duh,duh-duh...the music would explode just as the massive jaws seemed to jump from the beasts lips and completely devour,whole, the unsuspecting prey. It was just like 'Jaws', just like 'Deep Blue Sea', it was just like 'Planet Earth' and every other overly-dramatic piece of entertainment I'd watched over the last 24 years. It had to be like the movies, it had to be like television...right? With these jaded notions in my mind I floated on the surface of 'Shark Bay' just off the coast of Koa Tao. I watched the distance with scanning eyes; you could see 40 yards quite well in these crystal clear waters. I could even make out, far in the distance, some of my fellow snorkelers who loomed closer to the boat for fear of something going awry. I had charted off quite a ways from everyone else, staying close to the rocks. Sharks never attacked people near the rocks... Our guide had been quite clear that the sharks we were diving with, Black-tipped Reef sharks, were very friendly, mostly feeding off small fish and growing to about 1m at max. What I had failed to hear in my excitement to jump off the boat, to be the first in the water to see one, was that they preferred life in the shallows. My personal logic and half-wit movie experiences had forced me to believe that I was in the safest place, I would see the massive creatures from a distance, a safe one, a very distant distance that would put me as an observer, not another member of the food chain. When you're looking so hard for something specific, you really start to loose track of whats right in front of you, what's right below you. We were treading water over a marvelous coral reef, exotic fish and strange sea beings swam and floated all around me. Schools of fish danced brilliantly ands glimmered, catching the foggy sunlight so perfectly in their moments of brightness. I wasn't looking for any of these, I had my eyes set for a three foot, noisy splashing shark. One that would make its presence very known, a lone predator off in the distance searching for something that could never resemble my damaged and scabbed up knees. (scabs that seemed to be slowly dissolving in the giant blue saline solution I'd emerged them in) It happened so quick... It was faster than an ocean bird darting into the water... it was faster than a race car whizzing past at the Santa Maria speedway... faster than any fish I'd ever seen...The sound it made? The splashing? Nothing...just silent, quick, and seemingly motionless. There wasn't one, there were two, swimming side by side...They weren't small either...Both were easily longer than my lanky and exposed body...my lanky, exposed, bleeding and wounded body... my fresh as a dead fish body...floating slower than any other prey they might venture towards... I never saw them coming, I didn't hear splashes form behind me, didn't see the fin slowly pop up from the water, didn't hear the jaws soundtrack blaring through distant speakers...I was giving up on seeing one and distracted by the vibrant coral colors that were mere inched from my feet. Watching some unknown fish scamper about picking at the soft white sand. The fish didn't all dart away scarred before they came...there was absolutely no warning sign that the creatures were coming up behind me. God almighty was I in shallow water...And they had come from behind me!!! In what? maybe three feet of ocean current... they didn't thrash about, they weren't lumbering and clumsy giants like the speculation of movies. They barely moved their fins and soared through the water like silent torpedoes. Mouths closed with no teeth exposed, the two beats seemed perfectly streamlined for ocean killing. The two perfect predators passed me without a moments hesitation, if they had wanted I'm sure I could have lost a hand. At, at least, six feet each they were larger than I imagined, not like an over sized barracuda, but fuller in the middle, like a nuclear submarine. I didn't even have time to be scarred, they small by so quickly it has compounded my fear of the oceans perfect killers. No warning, no movement, and not caring about my presence in the least. They didn't care about the fish that swam all about, or my bleeding knees that dangled like bait in the water. These two Jurassic titans came and went in such an instant. I watched them swim away so quickly, they barely moved their bodies, but oh my goodness did they have speed such as I've never seen. Dead eyes starring at nothing, not moving, not twitching, not seeming to notice my frail body. It was too fast to be afraid in the moment, it was almost unbelievable. I had seen what i came looking for, I can only wonder if they felt the same...

September 4th 2009. 'full moon party'

The techno music was blinding and the flashing lights engulfed every aspect of the small tropical paradise we had stumbled upon. A great transformation had taken place in mere hours, we had found ourselves directly in the middle of it. White sand beach to rave central before the sun set. I had always heard the full moon party was a 'must-do' experience in Thailand. How great could another party be? It was with some reluctance that I agreed with Kelly that we should attend the nights festivities. It was on the beach...didn't sound too intriguing to my delicate sensibilities. I found myself, however, almost instantly, engulfed in the madness. I can't help but reflect that a party of this caliber would never make it in San Luis Obispo, a fight or drunken rowdiness would no doubt break out within mere minutes of its beginnings. Everyone seemed to be there for one reason... to have fun and enjoy the night. Gone was the feeling of fear and trepidation that normally follows even going to a bar in SLO or some other American city. Here were 10,000 people from all walks of life and all corners of the world gathering on a beach to simply have a good time. To dance the night away and bathe in the afterglow of the nights revelries. We were neck deep in the crowds of thronging youth, pulsing to the ecstatic beats of the blaring music. 'Do you want a break?' asked our traveling companions in their charming Irish accents. So with only the smallest amount of hesitation we headed for the the south side of the beach to the 'mellow mountain' bar; A small hillside bungalow filled with floor mats and strange travelers who seemed to laugh at lifes every moment. 'you have to try there specialty shake, it's to die for' insisted Fiona our Irish counterpart who seemed to know the beach much better than Kelly and I. After coughing an astonishing 500 Thai baht up (about 15 dollars) I was awaiting the most glorious fruit smoothy I'd ever encountered. What was handed to me was a black sludgy concoction that smelled and, believe me you, tasted just like hangover shits smell. 'why the hell did I just pay a nice hotel nights stay for this garbage shake?' I asked with the smallest amount of anger. 'wait thirty minutes and you'll see' was all Fiona could reply with. Mind you, I used to enjoy the occasional psychedelic in my younger college days, but that was always with a great amount of expectation, never did a mushroom trip find my swelling mind unannounced. I wish i could tell you all every detail from that night, explain to you the way the trees bended and the lights all faded into one another. The insane laughter that over took us all as we painted our bodies with glow-in-the-dark paint. The constant feeling that an unknown force was about to suck me into the earth, or the extreme anxiety I felt every time some thai man tried to offer me his giant iguana of boa constrictor to hold for small price and instant picture. It wasn't heaven or hell I traveled to that night. My mind cooked in an all night fever as sensations became something entirely new. Perhaps I've said too much, wandering eyes may not enjoy reading the full details of the nights explorations. After all what happens at the full moon party stays at the full moon party.

September 3rd 2009

My shoulder ached so bad. My knees wanted to break at the joints. Of course I decided to go on this damn hike. I couldn't help but think of Kelly back on the beach lounging on her towel in the hot Thailand sun. here I was drenched in my own sweat, at least half a mile below the earths surface. I should have known after hearing 'does anyone want to go see cave?' that only myself and one other tourist would sign up for such a daring journey. Our guide spoke better English then the Austrian fellow who had tagged along. Three of us, A shoeless Thai man named 'Eddie' this Austrian guy, and my injured self. Why do I get myself into these situations? 'one moment sirs, I must lite candle'. We had climbed for at least 30 minutes down treacherous boulders. I thought we'd already seen the cave, we;'d been in a giant chamber for quite a while, what else could there be. The small tanned man crouched low to the earth an proceeded to pull three small, home-made, wax candles from beneath a small rocky hiding place. After what seemed like hours of sweating he had them all lit. 'follow me. please to watch your step'. Watch my step? If I went the wrong direction was I going to fall into an unknown precipice? Should I have kissed Kelly goodbye? I felt like at any moment molten lava was going to swell up form the earth and burn us all in our footsteps. God-damn it was hotter than hell in this cave. We started to walk into the darkness, the sheer utter darkness. The kind of dark that sends shivers down your spine, where nothing but small one-inch candles could ever eradicate. I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me. We walked for days, I only following the glowing worm about ten feet in front of me, carefully placing my every step, careful not to fall into the dark abyss I knew loomed around my every foot print. I kept checking back to my Austrian counter-part, he seemed to be moving, somehow, slower than my injured self. Only his glow-worm candle showed me he still had sings of life in his steps. Where was this 'eddie' taking us, it was hotter than a fucking dragon's laire in this god-forsaken cave. I knew a giant reptilian scale was waiting around every corner, breathing fire on unsuspecting foreigners indulging themselves on the caves sheer mysteries. 'please sir look'. I had been looking this entire time, nothing but limestone walls starred back at me, what sight could be worth seeing this deep into the unknown? Just as my bitter resentment was about to take over the urgee to keep walking our guide flashed his candle towards the wall. A million diamonds brighter than a mountain sky shined back in glorious illusion. A twinkling brightness like I'd never seen, as if you could reach out and touch the glorious dazzling array. I felt like a Hollywood star walking down the red carpet, with a billion flash bulbs burning brightly in my face. The walls glittered so magnificently it brought tears to my eyes. Over the millenia as water slowly trickled down the limestone cliffs, small deposits of minerals broke away and landed themselves firmly upon the caves walls. it created such a dazzling smorgasbord of twinkles I could never fully describe it in words. God itself couldn't create something so beautiful. It was a familiar face on a warm Sunday morning. It was mom's hug after a scabbed knee. It was all the things in life that make it worth living. It wasn't a sight, it was a welling of emotion. A thirty foot canvas that Divinci himself couldn't fathom. A dreamy night sky. A last moments caress. The feeling of being safe. My heart burst and was left on the wall of that cave. It wasn't a sight, it wasn't a feeling, it was the knowledge that we had stumbled upon something too glorious for human eyes, to magnificent for human words. This was a cave of dreams and wonder. This was more than a sight, it was a feeling.

August 21st 2009 'dream within a dream'

Was this man for real. His silly red jumpsuit didn't fool me... did he really think he had magic powers? There I was, middle of the afternoon, at the Pattaya crocodile farm starring at a mid 20's Thai man about to stick his fucking head down the throat of a ten foot crocodile. It's like people who go to the races, you don't want to see one, but in the back of your mind you hope to witness some horrific crash. I was about to watch a man become decapitated. This lumbering dinosaur was about to rip his head clean off...and to think the idiot was doing it willingly... seconds felt like days as I watched him slowly arc his neck into the beasts mouth. There was no safety net, no precautions, no one there to help him if the beast got an itch on its massive mayonnaise colored tongue. I felt a rip in my stomach. I was a million times more frightened than this cocky Thai son-of-a-bitch. Is this how he makes his living? life between 400 hundred razor sharp teeth. Only an hour before I had fished for Crocodile in a giant lake, dead chickens tied by strings to the end of bamboo sticks were offered for only 70 cents a piece. Amazing what the U.S. dollar could get you in this country. Hanging off a dock we played with them, smacking them in their giant reptilian noses, trying vainly to get some action out of the gigantic beasts. The noise they made when they erupted from the water. it was never the crocodile you hung the chicken in front of, his unknown partner always lurked beneath the water and lurched out at your unsuspecting rod. Had I really 'fished' for crocodiles? The noise of there jaws shutting... like the auto-pitcher at the batting cages, or perhaps more like smacking the metal bottom of a pringles can. it was so powerful, so ferocious, so animalistic...It scarred me shitless! i had teased the beasts only an hour before. Now I was starring at a complete lunatic about to stick his fucking head down one's throat. it's a dream dream dream. This can't be real, no human being would ever actually think they had the magic ability to calm the giant carnivore. No one would willingly stick their fragile human neck down one of these eating machines giant throats...It wasn't quick...it was painfully slow... he left his head on the giants tongue as if it were a soft silk pillow...get the fuck out of there!! you are a complete idiot!!! you're going to die!!!someone stop this raving lunatic!! magic isn't real you harry potter mother fuc ....He survived...confident and smiling the stupid son-of-a-bitch actually lived through it. Trained professional...yeah right, how the hell do you train to become a complete mad-man, only lunacy would drive a man to such lengths... "Okay ladies and gentlemen, for only 100 baht (about 3 bucks) you can come sit on it"... My heart stopped dead in its beats as Kelly and Min both looked at me. 'you gotta go do it George' no no NO NO NO my mind yelled, adrenaline went straight through me. 'come on, no one gets hurt'... yeah no one gets hurt getting in a swimming pool full of 50 swelling monsters from my worst nightmares.........The line of people in front of me slowly dwindled, was I really next?...... It was much longer than 10 feet, it was the size of a god-damn school bus, what's worse? They some how kept the beast sitting there still with it's mouth wide open, teeth displayed ready to rip my soft flesh into a million little pieces. I had paid three dollars to get eaten by some creature that belonged in the Jurassic. This thing wasn't even from our planet..."Here sit, sit , sit, it's okay" They pointed towards it rear legs...I had to clear my mind, I was about to die, I was about to be eaten...goodbye mom I love you...goodbye world and hello fierce beast....I began to crouch over the beast...I was not ready to die..slowly, painfully...this couldn't be real.