August 21st 2009 (part i)

We woke up with the sun, it was easy to go to bed and wake up early the first week of our trip. I think I finally became used to the time change a few days before our return trip, just enough time to make my first few days back in SLO that much more slumberful. Before our days plans with Min we headed off in the direction we were, fairly, certain the beach was. Only a few blocks away the aqua blue water looked marvelous in the mornings first rays. A long white sand beach stretched out for miles. The water looked clear and drinkable as it splashed almost waveless against the shore. I had to go in. It felt colder than imagined, I pictured bath water from what Kelly had told me, a scalding temptress that could never cool you enough to stop the sweat. It was warm, just no jacuzzi. The water felt unreal. Kelly was right, not a wave in site. I had laughed when she said I might not get the chance to try surfing in Thailand. Thai women watched their toddlers play in the shallow water with little to no hesitation. I almost thought them bad parents for allowing their young ones to play so unhindered in the dangerous ocean. Naked and full of laughters the small tan hooligans frolicked with no fear of the water. What the hell were their parents looking for in the sand? constantly digging for sea shells or hidden gold, if their actions were economically or boredom triggered I don't know; but I can still feel the wonderment at their plain indifference to their two-year-olds water safety. Worry-wort Winston from America. Sometimes you can't help it. We didn't have much time to linger at the beach, consuming as it was, we had a big day planned. After a quick, and still rather plain, breakfast we headed back to the hotel and waited for Min's arrival. It certainly was an eclectic crew we drove with that day. Min, and her niece, along with young girls maid and babysitter, Kelly and I. This filled up the cab of Min's truck more than comfortably. So in the bed of the truck went this couple who were friends of Min's. A neurotic man who spoke too quick for language from new York, and his Thai wife and small baby. The relationship between the two still fascinates Kelly and I. How you could fall in love with someone, and even have a child with them, yet not be able to say more than 30 words to each other? So the father, his soon to be wife, and infant son sat in the bed of the truck while Kelly and I sat in the A/C cab, seat belts and all. I quickly came to learn that safety standards in Thailand are a bit different from what I was used to in California. It wasn't rare to see a husband,wife, and child combo scrambled onto a moped, the back of a truck was no oddity whatsoever. Our destination was called "The Million Years Stone Park & Pattaya Crocodile Farm". Another thing I quickly came to learn, don't give broken english on signs a second glance, you'll end up seeing something worth a picture eventually. I never really figured out what the 'million years stone' was all about, giant rocks was about the farthest thing on my mind when I heard we may see some crocodiles. There were a lot of petrified tree stumps littered throughout the park, their ages varied between pre-christ to semi-prehistoric. But like i said, I just wanted to see some crocodiles. My first impression of the park wasn't exactly pure excitement either. It didn't have a grand entry-way like the Wild Animal Park or a massively dominate parking lot like the San Diego Zoo. A father-time security guard watched over the 40-or-so cars in the small parking lot. The actual park seemed empty, I think we, in one truck load, doubled their attendance for the day. The first stop on our tour of the park was to feed giant catfish. First impressions stuck with me, these 'giant' catfish seemed no larger than usual, a bunch of coy in a mad frenzy every time you threw a handful of the stinky food. It always left your hands smelling like shit all day long. For a few minutes a stood there holding back sassy comments as my disappointment precluded any fun I could have been having. It was weird when I finally saw one, I thought it would be the only one I'd see all day. Giant indeed, these things were more whale than fish. The 2ft coy would suddenly burst out of the way on the surface of the water and in that particular spot a 4ft, at least, giant catfish would surge to the surface and scoop up everything in its path. Their mouths looked as big those nets you use to skim out a swimming pool. The first few we saw brought bursts from our crowd that is akin to a group of girls on a whale watching tour. "oohhh" and "ahh" at every sight of the giant monsters. Randomly, as if they could all communicate, the coy would disappear and forty to fifty of the largest fish I've ever seen would all erupt onto the surface, clearing it of every speck of debris possible. More than anything I couldn't help but think of swimming in Thailand. I had planned on jumping into some rivers, definitely snorkeling in the near future. Were creatures like these waiting for me as I dove into unknown waters? If a group of fish this massive suddenly swam up all around me I think I'd be buying a new bathing suit memento. It's funny, thinking back to that morning I could have stayed in that spot all day. The day wasn't too particularly hot or sticky, and the sight of these giant fish definitely had me glued to the surface of the water only a few feet below the wooden, janky, platform that held us barely above the water. I'm glad Min dragged us away, the park was 3 places in one. Botanical garden, zoo, and amusement park. The strange birds and Asiatic bears the had in cages were fascinating. One giant bird, with a beak like a samurai sword, had a particularly nasty disposition, and loved to look straight into the eyes of the little baby. I could tell if there encounter weren't protected by some thin metal wire, that small infant would be the preferred next meal of the grossly pterodactyl that starred at us all with in-humane eyes. So far nothing seemed too special. We took enough photos to start annoying the carp out of me. The fish were cool, and it was pretty odd how close you could get to all the animals. No guardrails or safety nets, not even any staff to yell at those daring enough to stick their fingers in the cages. I could tell an idiot could loose a couple fingers no problem. Our next exhibit was something I'd simply never seen in any of my previous travels. I took a trip for a few weeks to Florida once with my grandpa. I remembered being shocked that we could walk over metal planking that held crocodile infested waters. We were probably 10 feet up, with a thick mesh covering metal wires to protect any guest from ever trying to stick an appendage or stick into the waiting jaws of one the reptiles. I can't reiterate enough. We weren't in Kansas anymore. We had stopped on metal planking perhaps 4, maximum of 5 feet above the water. There were no safety nets, no trappings and danger signs. Right below our feet in Kool-aid green water were hundreds, literally hundreds, of crocodiles. Not so much moving or thrashing about, just bobbing enough out of the water to get a good sense of how frightfully massive the dinosaurs were. Nostrils and a pair of giant eyes were all you could see of some of them. They looked jagged and angry, hungry for flesh to say the least. The woman behind a small cardboard counter handed me my 'pole' after I'd paid the $1.50. It was a bamboo stick about 4 feet long, with a long hairy and frayed rope attached to one end. At the end of that rope was a skinned and delicate dead chicken, not frozen. You could feel and smell that these birds were definitely fresh. I think I had even ohh'd and aww'd at some of its cousins scrambling freely throughout the parking lot. I don't know if I'm a wuss or perhaps just a bit hesitant at times. But the lack of direction got to me at first. What the hell was I supposed to do. I could guess. Was this safe though? You eventual had to take an F-it attitude to a lot of the experiences in Thailand. Learn by doing type of thing. Dive right in. I hung the chicken about 3 feet above the water. The giant started to move, but there wasn't a feeding frenzy like I expected. I didn't really know what to expect, I'd never seen or heard of crocodile fishing. There disinterest in the chickens at first led me to believe that the beasts were constantly fed. believe it or not, I came to figure out that the cold-blooded killers were just lazy, they never really went for the chickens unless you dangled the dead carcass inches from the water. Damn things ended up wanting a free meal. Needless to say, we made them work a little bit for it. I don't need to describe to you the massive size or shape, pretty standard for crocodiles. The color surprised me, they ranged from a dirty Gatorade yellow to slimy pond green. The ridges and bumps covering their bodies gave them a drastically reptilian complexion. It was so eerie how they moved without moving. Their formless bodies seemed to float closer to the chicken with each lowering of the rope. You couldn't tell when they were about to strike. It wasn't like a frog or a grasshopper sharpening the angle of its legs. It didn't look earnestly at its prey like a soon-to-pounce cat watching a mouse. With no remorse or warning sign, the gargantuan jaws would simply burst from the water. The sound is something that shall never leave me. A popping thud that gave the distinct feeling of perfectly fit jaws. Like a clap when your two hands come together perfectly cupped. The noise came more from the air being moved so quickly, the jaws forcing hot breath out at the last instant with such fury it made your heart skip a beat. I felt guilty teasing them, like karma wouldn't appreciate me teasing a predator that could so easily take my life. They humbled you with the sound of those jaws closing. It made the baby cry...shit, I felt like crying a little. That nervous laughter we all need to do sometimes instinctively came out. I felt like my mind and heart were torn into battle. Is this exciting and fun? Or do I need to be changing my droors? Was this the kind of life a crocodile would want? Should I feel bad by them being captive? I was depressed to see such a prehistoric monstrosity held in such tight quarters? Did they mind? I'd only seen a few crocodiles in the past, they always seemed to be lone, solitary, carnivores. Here I was, teasing something that hasn't seemed to evolved in 60 million years. There had to be a hundred floating all about, making no noise except the terrifying thungk of their jaws clapping shut. My frail human arms would be screaming if I fell into that water. I shudder to think what type of experience it would be. To be face to face with something that primordial, something so pure and raw, a creature designed perfectly for slaughter. 'Planet Earth' does a great job of showing you what they look like. Nothing short of standing feet away from their death roll can describe the pinch in your gut from that sound. Like a bullet into soft wood their teeth lined up in razor sharp procession. I was sure this was the thrill of my lifetime, hands down the coolest thing I'd do in Thailand. Hindsight is so good at letting one giggle at their own naivete. This was the closest I could ever imagine being to something so deadly. Imagination sometimes fails to instill in one a very good sense of premonition. With this deadly game of cat and mouse as our precursor, we moved on to the next exhibit. It was time to go see a Crocodile show.