September 3rd 2009

My shoulder ached so bad. My knees wanted to break at the joints. Of course I decided to go on this damn hike. I couldn't help but think of Kelly back on the beach lounging on her towel in the hot Thailand sun. here I was drenched in my own sweat, at least half a mile below the earths surface. I should have known after hearing 'does anyone want to go see cave?' that only myself and one other tourist would sign up for such a daring journey. Our guide spoke better English then the Austrian fellow who had tagged along. Three of us, A shoeless Thai man named 'Eddie' this Austrian guy, and my injured self. Why do I get myself into these situations? 'one moment sirs, I must lite candle'. We had climbed for at least 30 minutes down treacherous boulders. I thought we'd already seen the cave, we;'d been in a giant chamber for quite a while, what else could there be. The small tanned man crouched low to the earth an proceeded to pull three small, home-made, wax candles from beneath a small rocky hiding place. After what seemed like hours of sweating he had them all lit. 'follow me. please to watch your step'. Watch my step? If I went the wrong direction was I going to fall into an unknown precipice? Should I have kissed Kelly goodbye? I felt like at any moment molten lava was going to swell up form the earth and burn us all in our footsteps. God-damn it was hotter than hell in this cave. We started to walk into the darkness, the sheer utter darkness. The kind of dark that sends shivers down your spine, where nothing but small one-inch candles could ever eradicate. I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me. We walked for days, I only following the glowing worm about ten feet in front of me, carefully placing my every step, careful not to fall into the dark abyss I knew loomed around my every foot print. I kept checking back to my Austrian counter-part, he seemed to be moving, somehow, slower than my injured self. Only his glow-worm candle showed me he still had sings of life in his steps. Where was this 'eddie' taking us, it was hotter than a fucking dragon's laire in this god-forsaken cave. I knew a giant reptilian scale was waiting around every corner, breathing fire on unsuspecting foreigners indulging themselves on the caves sheer mysteries. 'please sir look'. I had been looking this entire time, nothing but limestone walls starred back at me, what sight could be worth seeing this deep into the unknown? Just as my bitter resentment was about to take over the urgee to keep walking our guide flashed his candle towards the wall. A million diamonds brighter than a mountain sky shined back in glorious illusion. A twinkling brightness like I'd never seen, as if you could reach out and touch the glorious dazzling array. I felt like a Hollywood star walking down the red carpet, with a billion flash bulbs burning brightly in my face. The walls glittered so magnificently it brought tears to my eyes. Over the millenia as water slowly trickled down the limestone cliffs, small deposits of minerals broke away and landed themselves firmly upon the caves walls. it created such a dazzling smorgasbord of twinkles I could never fully describe it in words. God itself couldn't create something so beautiful. It was a familiar face on a warm Sunday morning. It was mom's hug after a scabbed knee. It was all the things in life that make it worth living. It wasn't a sight, it was a welling of emotion. A thirty foot canvas that Divinci himself couldn't fathom. A dreamy night sky. A last moments caress. The feeling of being safe. My heart burst and was left on the wall of that cave. It wasn't a sight, it wasn't a feeling, it was the knowledge that we had stumbled upon something too glorious for human eyes, to magnificent for human words. This was a cave of dreams and wonder. This was more than a sight, it was a feeling.